What If

Monday, March 3, 2008

What if you’re right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you’re right?
What if it’s true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it’s true?

What if he takes his palace in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?

But what if you’re wrong?
What if there’s more?
What if there’s hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?

What if you dig, What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions inside
That’s all you find

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Then folklore that must be told and retold

You’ve been running as fast as you can
You’ve been looking for a place you can land so long
But what if you’re wrong?

What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?

~Nichole Nordeman
__________________

I never thought I'd ask the questions I'm asking. Oh, I know the truth - it's all there, all in my head. I know He's good. I know He loves me. I know I need to respond.

But there is a difference between being a good girl who knows all the right answers and *knowing* Him.

Once upon a time, several different people told me I should go into counseling. I blew them off. I didn't know what I wanted to be, but a counselor wasn't it. Now I laugh as I consider it. They thought I should go into counseling because I knew all the answers.

That hasn't changed. I still know all the answers.

But I also know the doubt. I know the pain. I know that some things in this world are just horrible. And all the answers in the world can't erase the desperate need inside us to know that even if it can't be fixed, Someone is going to be there, going to be the same, going to be bigger than we are.

All the counsel I could offer now wouldn't amount to anything in terms of answers. I'd have to ask the same question echoing off the walls of my heart as I reach tentatively for the faith He offers.

"What if...?"

I can't see Him. I don't want to accept that He allows life to happen the way it often happens. But if He didn't, He wouldn't be that unchangeable, hopeful, wonderful, never-leaving Someone I need.

I know love is not need, but I can't see past the need to love yet.

So I ask what it means if He loves me.

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