Tuesday Morning

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."

This was the verse I went to sleep with last night, after I got rather blasted with reality. When I decided to love K for God, I took a risk, that I might one day end up alone. It's happening. Somehow, I know that God is still who He says He is. But it doesn't take away the pain.

So I wake up this morning, rather early, still shell-shocked, expecting to find the joy. What began as a slow, quiet morning progressed into a frustrated search for the shirt I wanted to wear, which then resulted in a screaming fit because my sister was *again* wearing my clothes without asking me about it, and I was going to be late for work. It was enough to make me want to cuss.

Which isn't exactly how I anticipated this day would turn out.

It's one of those days when I really feel like I need to have everything together, and I don't. I feel very scattered and shaken, and I think I'm getting sick. You would think that the pain would go away sometime. Someone just told me yesterday that I need to completely let go of K because he sure doesn't love me. Yee-ah. I can do that all right. Honestly, I don't know what the point is anymore, except that I made this promise for God.

Love, I am finding, is a choice that does not depend on its result. Love is something that you do, regardless of how the loved one responds. With God, for instance, what could you ever do to love Him really? His unconditional love through Christ's death on the Cross is beyond repayment.

And, *sigh*, He already took my anger this morning on the Cross. There's nothing quite so humbling as that, when you think about it. It makes you not want to sin anymore.

His mercies are new, every morning.

Thanks God.


Now... to wait for the joy.


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