All The Way Home

Monday, November 29, 2004

I'm not very good at this loving thing. For starters, I'm a naturally selfish person, and I don't like thinking of others before myself. I don't like to be humbled, to have to admit that I am wrong, and that I don't really have anything to offer to anyone but my life and my own perspective.

I'm learning a lot about love. To love God, I lay down my life for Him as I lay down my life for others. I'm finding that loving someone doesn't necessarily mean that you take their side every time. It also doesn't mean that you become possessive and do everything you can to hold onto the loved one. Sometimes, loving someone means that you tell them the truth as God sees it, or that you release them to His hand, knowing that He loves them more than you do or ever could.

I don't want to lay down my life, but I can't stop the caring for those God has laid on my heart. I don't want to be humbled, but I want to be broken so much, however God should choose.

I want a safe place, as much as the safe place God has asked me to offer to others... and sometimes, I get to wishing that maybe there is somebody in the world who would love me enough with His love that they would lay down their lives for me.

Then I usually remember that there was Someone who loved me enough to lay down His life for me. Jesus did it, at the Cross. He proved His love there. I know it should be enough... but I'm just a human, and I get lonely sometimes, and I just want somebody to hold me once in a while and tell me it's all going to be okay, and I don't know how to keep going on with life with so much change going on.

I think I'm Homesick. I don't want to be here anymore, to have to live with the trials and the pain of this world. This morning, I was reminded of God's mercy, and of His faithfulness, of His strength. His mercies really are new every morning. I think that the truth is that I will never be alone. He'll be with me, loving me, protecting me, guiding me, all the way Home.

I want to run there now...


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