67 Days

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

It seems like an eternity, and it seems like tomorrow, but it is technically 67 days until my wedding day.

Realistically, I should be excited. Okay, I am. When I think about the fun we're going to have, about his face when he sees me for the first time, about the tears I'll probably shed, about the people we'll get to see--you bet I'm excited.

Realistically, it's actually okay to be scared. At least, that's my philosophy. And I am scared. Not of Pete, not even of getting married, I guess. It just seems BIG. Bigger than I am, anyway, and that means I'm out of control. Which I don't like.

Realistically, God is in control. Which He is. That doesn't mean that I trust Him, but whether I trust Him or not, He still is, and He's the one who brought this profound gift into my life in exactly His timing. I keep waiting for Him to reset my clock with His so I can be perfect in 67 days. I 'spect it's not going to happen.

I have a very special mother-in-law-to-be. I got to speak with her on the phone this morning, and she shared with me something that God had given her during a period of pain that impacted her deeply. She told me that she had learned that you cannot begin to heal until you can thank God from where you are. Thankfulness doesn't require feelings so much as it calls for an act of the will, she said.

I did a little more blogging over lunch and stumbled across the blog of a girl God laid on my heart some time ago. The post that I read was her post describing her feelings about the death of her sister, and scattered throughout the post in hymns and Scriptures that have meant so much to me was her heartcry that God would just be real, that He would please be enough for her through the pain.

I have lost, but I am not the only one to have lost. I have been wounded, but He is healing me. I have not been left with nothing, but I have been richly blessed in the midst of my dark valley, and I no longer have to walk it alone. I am tired and weak, but He has been my strength. I am sorrowful, but has He not borne all my griefs?

Trust Me...

67 days until I enter a new earthly life--but even now I live, and He will never leave me nor forsake me, and that has made all the difference.

Lord, let my joy be in You, and please be my only hope.


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