Tuesday, September 13, 2005

I'm overdue for a post.

Okay, so I've spent a couple weeks trying to think of something profound to say.

Having come up with nothing, I have decided to post an update.

Since I last posted, I have changed addresses, changed houses, and changed phone numbers. No, I am not married yet, and I am planning to wait until October 9 for that. I have no new pets. I have no new fiancé. (I've got him broken in! You think I am going to change now?) I have started cooking full meals again. (YES, I still remember how! It just takes me a bit longer than it used to...)

I love the new house. Practically, it's perfect. Locationally, it's perfect. Do you know, I can sleep with the windows open and NOT hear any traffic? After being raised in the country and living in or near town for several years, it's like being in heaven! I have missed the peace. I have missed the smells of the sun on the berry bushes and the decaying leaves of the woods. I have missed the coolness of the breeze that never seems quite cool when you're surrounded by pavement and buildings.

But I'm coming home in more ways than one, I suppose. I think leaving the old place has been good for me. There was too much of the fear that has haunted me since the hospital there. Being in the basement was a bit rough. I was depressed because of the lack of windows. And it was dark there. This house is light and airy, but it's more than that. It's safe. God is covering it, I think. For the first time since last July when my world fell apart, I'm remembering that He loves me and starting to trust Him. He's no more controllable now, but I feel my heart reopening to His touch. I am still afraid, but He is using this house and the peace that He has placed around me to remind me that He brings ultimate peace, that He is good, and that He loves me very much. I don't know what to do with that right now, but it's a nice feeling.

This house is a home, will be a home. I don't mind going home from work in the evenings now. I love it. I love having my piano in a place I can play it, and having a recliner in my bedroom, and having windows all over the house. I love cooking dinner for Pete and Kate, and having Pete near while he's studying, even if I'm cleaning or just reading myself. When Pete and I get married, it will be just the two of us. But it will be our home, and I suppose I can't help but get excited about that.

I've had a few challenges over the last few weeks, and God has been reminding me of His faithfulness to me. I'm not good at having faith in Him, but He has been very faithful to me.

My health? It's hanging in there. The new supplements I'm taking are helping a lot--which is surprising for me. It's been so long since I found something that would help. I've been tired, but I feel stronger, and my moods are so much better!

Oh yes, the impending wedding. *chuckle* Everybody wants to know how the wedding plans are coming and if I'm overwhelmed. The wedding plans have been nearly finished for sometime now. I've got a few things to put into place (like actually deciding on a processional!!! :-P), but for the most part, I am done. As for overwhelmed--only occasionally. Pete walked into the room the other day with a quiet announcement, "You know, in about 20 minutes, it's going to be exactly four weeks."

I got *really* quiet. And then we talked, and remembered that we really can take our relationship one day at a time. We can enjoy the moments that we have and not work so hard to prepare for what is coming that we forget we love each other. Someone once told me that engagement is the hardest time in a relationship, but while I'd admit there have been some hard things with pressures from other people, I think that this time with Pete has been one of the sweetest times of my entire life, and I know I will always remember it. Even in the midst of his busyness and in his own exhaustion, he is still fighting for my heart. Every day, I love him more.

No, I'm not overwhelmed about the wedding. That's four weeks away. And I hope to treasure every moment of that day--if I'm giddy or scared or quiet. I want to take the time to *notice* the people around me, to let my friends know that I really care about them, and not just about getting married. And when it's time to make my vows to Pete, to look into his eyes and walk down that aisle toward him on Daddy's arm, I want to be completely caught up in him and with what God has done for me.

There's a song we're going to sing with the congregation at our wedding that I think I'm relearning in my heart, called "In Christ Alone."

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

I want to sing that with all my heart.

So. That is a not-so-brief update on my life. If you're interested in my devotional thoughts from lately, you can check out
Thoughts of Home.

I promise to try and post something profound soon.



andie said...

ok, definitely looking forward to your wedding even more, now. That song is quite possibly in my top 5 ever. *smile*

love ya, Kells. Thanks for opening your home. it truly is beautiful :-)

Erin said...

Your wedding will be awesome and special and so memorable...But truly, the time afterwards is so much better and ever so much more special. Every day you'll be with Pete...and all wedding plans and preparations will be over. (Really, that is a good thing.)

Thy sis said...

Hey, Kelzo, I think somebody's trying to get my attention. That's the second time I've seent hat song today. I like the line:
"Here in the death of Christ I live"
especially. :)

Kelly Sauer said...

Kelzo, huh? :-P

Glad it touched you. *grin* Kerynnie-Pooh... :-D

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