Glimpses of Grace

Friday, January 6, 2006

This devotional by Elisabeth Elliot made me stop and think this morning about some glimpses of grace that God has afforded me recently, and I thought I should take a moment to share some of them.

One of my favorite sights this winter has been the amazing light patterns formed by the sun as it plays in its cloud playground. I am fascinated by the ever-changing panorama that stretches across the sky. Some days, the light has been crystal, shimmering with every color in the rainbow as the sun takes over the world. In the evenings, we've had glorious rose-gold sunsets that leave me aching for the camera that couldn't do justice to it anyway. The ethereal glow of the moonlight on the snow-crested landscape has sent us to another world of hushed whispers and quiet worship. And some days, when the clouds seem to have won, until all of a sudden the light bursts forth with a splendor that tells my heart exactly what heaven will be like.

If you haven't noticed, I've not been having an easy time of late, thanks to various factors like my health, the adjustment to a completely new life, and no small bit of encroaching insanity. I've been struggling deeply with depression, and trying to pick myself up to get done what I need to get done in a day. Yet while the last few months have seemed somewhat dark from my perspective, I realize that I have seen rays of light glowing around the clouds in my life.

While I've been struggling to understand and accept the reality of God's love, He has given me a husband who demonstrates His love to me in a visible way every day. The sparkling light of my wedding ring diamond is a tangible reminder of its reality, even when Pete is not present.

While I've been worried about how I can fix various difficult situations in my life, God has been working in the hearts of others involved for reconciliation as He deepens friendships and brings Himself glory in what I was sure was going to be a disaster.

While I've been lonely and afraid to open my heart to anyone, He has placed several people in my life who love me unconditionally and seek a deeper friendship with me, even though I'm a bit prickly. The light of their smiles has chased many shadows for me recently.

While I've found it tired and hard to function because of my health, I am walking, running, keeping somewhat normal hours (if you don't count my New Year's Eve 5:00 a.m. on half a cup of coffee), and even starting to think about working out. It's a jazzy noon-light, I'm-ready-for-summer light that offers an excitement that I'm actually living a semi-normal existence right now.

While I've been trying to figure out how to approach God again to feel close to Him and get back deep into His Word, He has offered a safe place with Him to rest, heal, and learn to desire Him again--in His time. It's a safe place to discover anew--though it seems like the first time--how desperately I need Him. Not that I know how to talk about it, really. I don't have a lot to say about much right now.

My pastor called today--we've been out of town so much since the wedding, we've hardly attended our church at all. Out of all of the churches I have ever attended or left, I never had a pastor who called me to tell me that He'd been praying for me. I was stunned, and there is still a glow in my heart.

Elisabeth Elliot's story is of a hospital waiting room. I've been there. I've done that. It's no darker or more full of fear than the everyday getting-out-of-bed and facing-the-world fears I have been facing lately. But I have a wonderful home, a wonderful husband, and a God who knows me and is taking the time to meet the needs of my heart--and whether I see past my fears to these graces all the time or not, they are still there.

Through the clouds or in the clearest sky imaginable, it is completely incomprehensible, inexorable, brilliant. Whether my camera can capture its beauty or not, my heart responds. When I remember, I can see the faithfulness of my Savior--even if I don't understand.


Kate said...

That was a very encouraging post. :-) I'll be praying for you, Kelly.

Leeann said...

Huh. This post made me think of something.
Someday, we're not going to need cameras anymore.
That... is kinda cool. Thanks for this post.
In answer to your question on my blog, yes, I'd love one! I didn't get sick of it, but some of the links were broken on it and I didn't know how to fix! I don't even know what I want. Surprise me. :-D

Kelly Sauer said...

Lol--very cool!

A Scottish Whisper said...

Nice new look--kinda blurry though ;-) Wistful maybe?

Kelly Sauer said...

lol--if you don't make it blurry, you can't see the words. *wry grin*

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