A Daughter of Eve

Monday, April 30, 2007

"Whatever else we know about women, we know they are relational creatures to their cores. While little boys are killing one another in mock battles on the playground, little girls are negotiating relationships.... This is so second nature, so assumed among women, that it goes unnoticed by them."

"Why are most of the relationships of women fraught with hardship? Their friendships, their families, their best friends all seem to have come down with a sort of virus that makes them fundamentally unavailable, leaving a woman lonely at the end of the day. Even when relationships are good, it's never enough. Where does this bottomless pit in us come from?"

"And women are tired. We are drained... Somehow, somewhere between our youth and yesterday, efficiency has taken the place of adventure."

"Now it would be good for us to give careful attention to... the curses God pronounced [in the Garden after Adam and Even sinned]... Man is cursed with futility and failure. Life is going to be a hard for a man now in the place he will feel it most. Failure is a man's worst fear...."

"Woman is cursed with loneliness (relational heartache).... Isn't it true? Aren't your deepest worries and heartaches relational--aren't they connected to someone? Even when things are good, is your vast capacity for intimacy ever filled in a lasting way? There is an emptiness in us that we continually try to feed."

~John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating

My pregnancy has, I think, confronted both Pete and me with the ramifications of the Curse as God pronounced it upon Adam and Eve. I am unavoidably a daughter of Eve. Outside of the obvious "pain in childbirth" clause (that reminds me almost daily of what I have to look forward to at the end of this pregnancy), I find that my desire for intimacy with others is thwarted on a regular basis.

I think perhaps this may be in part because it is so obviously simple (and shallow!) for other people to ask me when the baby is due, if I am having twins, if I know if it's a boy or a girl yet, or what names I have picked out. Yet very (VERY) few people have taken the time to ask me about my heart and how I am doing. I had a conversation about this with a friend when she was nearing the end of her first pregnancy. She felt so lonely! It was as if all people could see was her growing stomach!

I feel the same way. I have so many little conversations with people that I walk away from wondering who they are and how they're doing, and if they really would like to know how I'm doing! I miss my friendships, and I think I am coming to understand why it is so easy for women to become simply "moms," because that is all anybody thinks to talk about. They lose their hearts in the "identity" they are given, and most people don't even think to dig beneath the surface to discover who they really are!

I want to cherish my friendships. I'm in a rather odd place, being pretty much the first person in my circle of friends to have a baby, but I'm still me! I still feel that others do have something to offer me, and I would love to share my heart and what God has been revealing to me about Himself through this time!

I don't know how much more being a "daughter of Eve" affects me than being a "daughter of God," co-heir with Christ, but it seems that His desire for us, that "they may be one as we are one" means that my desire for intimacy with others is not a misplaced desire.

I am learning to wait on Him.


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