Grinding to a Slow Start

Saturday, August 4, 2007

My sense of time is slowly returning. With the advent of a new schedule and the need to fit my life into much smaller blocks of time than I have ever owned before, I am finding it necessary to maintain a closer watch on how I spend the precious minutes I have. I realize that in the three weeks since I went into labor, the rest of the world has moved on, even though I feel that I am still in shock over this new little person who has suddenly landed in my house.

I have been working on several real blog posts (nursing is wonderful thinking time!), but for now, I think I just want to post a few things that have meant much to me over the last few weeks.

*The Bar is finally over. The week after Piper was born, Pete flew to California and I went home to my parents' with Piper. Without going into a post-mortem, we have both been so thankful that he felt that he could leave the exam in CA when he finished without feeling completely defeated. I am discovering new sides to my husband. I never knew him without his studies!

*One of my favorite comments from the last couple of weeks came from a new friend and fellow believer who brought me a meal this week. She said, "I can't explain why I feel so much like an aunt to this baby whose mom I only met once before." It says so much of the love that God gives to us for His Body. We are surrounded by people who are rejoicing with us.

*I realized yesterday after stopping by the office how unusual it must be to be able to work for someone you respect and admire. I am so privileged to be able to tell people that I got to work for four years for two of my favorite people in the whole world. I respect both of my former bosses more every time I talk with them.

*God has used this time to open a new chapter in my relationship with my mom. In watching her with Piper during the first two weeks after the birth and in feeling her compassion for me as a new mom, I have just been made more aware of what she felt eight times with me and my siblings. I don't think I could have had the confidence to be Piper's mama without her help.

*I've never felt more open or vulnerable in my life than I did after giving birth to Piper. It truly amazes me that I have a husband who will both get up with me at night to change a diaper and hold me while I cry with all of the doubts and fears and worries that seem to come with all of this. And he's still fighting for *us* too. I'm so tired, I couldn't keep going without the knowledge that he still loves me and desires me. How tender he is with my heart!

*I've been wrestling with a some questions about my relationship with God, His use for me, and the idea of trusting Him with Piper each day for the rest of her life. This week, I received a letter from someone I have never met. She was afraid of sending the letter because it seemed so silly to her. But everything she wrote in her letter encouraged me in different, specific areas of struggle. I can't say how glad I am that she sent it despite her fears! I suspect God just likes to knock me out of my own understanding of how He works!

*Also, a random clarification for the general public: Piper's name really has no deep hidden significance for Pete and me. After planning my whole life to give my children names with wonderful meanings, we just picked her name because we liked it! My favorite part of it is the meaning of Joelle, though: "Jehovah is God." I am already needing to remember this for her.


Tricia said...

Thanks, Kelly! Now you've really encouraged *me.*


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