Invested Prayer

I've taken to hedging my bets when I pray. It's really hard to remember the last time I just asked God outright for something that was really important to me. I have these caveats that always follow my requests to keep me from being disappointed.

"I know You can do this, but You might not want to, so that's okay. You're God."

"If it's not too much trouble."

"If it's Your will."

Behind every petition lurks a fear that He's going to let me down and say no, so I shouldn't raise my expectations unless I'm asking for "the right thing."

It doesn't leave a lot of room for praise on the other side of answered prayer.

I've been learning a lot about hope from Piper. She is too little, her memory too short to be jaded or cynical about the number of times that I haven't come immediately to her rescue when she wants to be picked up while I'm making a meal.

Every time I go near her during these times, her eyes brighten as she thinks, "Oh, yes! Mommy's going to pick me up now!" It breaks her little heart when I don't, and mine breaks a bit too, even though food is important for me too!

But she keeps hoping that I'll come get her, and keeps calling me, and keeps desiring my touch. If that hope in her eyes that she'll get time with Mommy ever changes to a guarded, "I can't really ask this of Mom, even though I really want it," I think I would curl up and die.

I understand that God is not at my beck and call. He has His own ways and His own plan and His own purposes. But I know He loves me. He says that I should call upon Him and He will answer me and show me great and mighty things that I don't know. He says that He will do exceedingly, abundantly above all I can ask or imagine.

I think He wants me to ask Him to draw near and fulfill my desire for Him. Even if it means I don't always get what I'm asking for, I think He cares about what I want. I think He would like it if I would tell Him, really tell Him. No ducking or beating around the bush. Just lay it all out, vulnerable, helpless to do anything. Hoping.

Now to Him who is able...

He gets all the glory forever and ever because He is able. Not just because He does it.