A commenter pointed something out to me about yesterday's post that I didn't realize as I was more or less venting (which I usually try not to do on my blog).
"Person #1 has a relationship with the friend that sticks closer than a brother and pray means 'have an intimate conversation with . . .' Person #2 has a relationship only with himself."
I don't like the idea that a relationship with the God of the universe - the God who can do anything, save anyone, stop the evil in the world - does not give me the right to demand that He do what I think He should do.
But relationship, if it is real relationship, goes beyond demanding someone to "fix it."
If that is the only reason I talk to my husband - to get what I want out of him - then I am missing him entirely, and seeing only myself. The beauty of relationship is that it is two people, sharing perspectives with one another, enjoying their differences, discovering life together, having someone else beside them. As you grow closer, you find that you have grown together, that you think the same things, that you treasure the same things, that you almost breathe together.
God has taken a huge risk asking us for relationship. He knows how much we want, yet He offers us a chance to know... How often He is misunderstood because we take the verses about "praying in His will" and "making our supplications known unto Him" and turn Him into little more than a vending machine.
I still don't know what to do with the ache in my heart for that family I wrote about, with my fear of more pain that God could stop but probably won't.
I've been told that I should stop asking why. But "why" is only a place to start. It's my question. It's the question all children ask their parents, who know so much more than they. "Why" is how I relate to God. "Why" is the reason I can keep talking to Him, even if I'm unsure of Him.
It's not about the answers to the question for me. It's about whether or not it's okay to ask Him the question.
So, "Why do You want me to pray?" is the question in my heart.
"What is your prayer?"
And there the conversation begins...
2 comments:
I can relate to every vent you have about prayer. It's one of the difficulties of my life that we have to put our trust in a God who doesn't play by the rules. Sometimes I joke about it ("Dear God, you'd get more members if You restricted bad things to bad people."), but other times I rage about it. Mostly, though, I just don't open that door in my mind.
One thing I do know about God: He is big enough to take our questions and our frustration without deflating and disappearing.
And you're right: the point is relationship, not insurance against bad things.
-- SJ
P.S. Blogs were created for rants.
Okay, if I ever decide to have a rant on a subject that won't irritate the bejeebers out of people and offend people and start a war, I'll rant on a blog. ;-)
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