"It's always nice to make new friends"

Thursday, July 31, 2008

I used to be afraid of new friendships because I wondered how I would ever explain the events and hurts of my past so that someone new could understand.

Lately, I've been exploring the possibility of developing some new friendships. In the past, I rather limited my friendships to people who understood me, who were willing to be there for me no matter what, people who came from the same perspective I come from.

I am finding my attitude changing, however. I hear myself differently when I talk with others. I hear myself saying things that would drive me crazy to have someone say it to me. I often talk to others with the idea of changing their perspective to match mine. I may not be critically judging them or telling them they are wrong, but I am so strong in expressing my own ideas that I often miss their heart entirely.

Now, I do have to defend myself on that - I am really very susceptible to outside pressure, especially in the area of my heart. I am a firstborn, and it is my natural desire to do or be what everyone expects of me. It has only been recently that I am realizing that it's all right to be me (and starting to live it too!), regardless of what someone else thinks of me. As I find the freedom to be myself, I am also realizing that perhaps the expectations I always thought were there weren't really there. I'm discovering that people have different personalities and love languages. God doesn't deal with everyone the same way He deals with me. Hurts that I have perceived in the past may just be oversight on someone else's part because they don't think the same way I do.

Sure, there are those few, special friends that I can feel totally at home with whether I'm hormonal and insane, the people I can call up any time of day or night and know that they'll be there. But I would like to expand my opportunities to learn more of others by being open to friendships that have room to grow.

I recently spent a day listening to a self-absorbed someone who couldn't hear anything anyone was saying to them over the noise in their own head. I don't want to be that kind of person. I want to be a person who is willing to prefer others in love. I want to be open to listening to what God is doing in someone else's heart, even if it's not what I think He should be doing or if the person is not reacting the way I think they should be reacting.

I don't know how to do this. Right now, I don't have a lot of time to do this. It's just something I've started to see.

2 comments:

Amber said...

Well said, Kelly. You write AND take photos very well.

I guess I've been a lurker here long enough. Hi! Can I be included in that circle of new friends?

dancebythelight said...

"I often talk to others with the idea of changing their perspective to match mine. I may not be critically judging them or telling them they are wrong, but I am so strong in expressing my own ideas that I often miss their heart entirely."

I understand what you're saying her completely. I tend to be the same way.

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