Things I Will Never Do Again

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

So in the blitz of supplements we have ordered recently, I thought I would save money by purchasing some things wholesale instead of buying them in small, expensive increments.

Things like coconut oil.

Did you know you can get coconut oil wholesale?

I ordered a 5-gallon tub of coconut oil on sale. I saved about $90.00. Then at the checkout, I saved another $27.00 (I don't know how this happened - it was some sort of price break for ordering a certain amount or something.) I even got free shipping!

I eagerly anticipated the arrival of the coconut oil, congratulating myself on the deal I had gotten and looking forward to not having to purchase coconut oil for a year or more.

We had run out of our coconut oil, so when it arrived, I removed the tub from its packaging and tried to open it. The tub, which is more like a bucket, bore warnings about children falling into it and drowning. But coconut oil is a solid at room temperature, so I wasn't worried about that. I removed several different plastic things from a... spout?

Coconut oil is a solid. How am I supposed to pour it out of a spout? There had to be something else, some other way to open the bucket.

We tried and tried to open the top lid, but it wouldn't come. Apparently, the morons who put the coconut oil into the bucket had completely sealed it. It was all one piece.

So I dipped the handle of one of my large cooking spoons into the spout and scooped out... 1 1/2 cups. Out of 5 gallons that had cost me a couple hundred dollars. A couple of now inaccessible hundred dollars. Geez. It's like the stock market.

I scooped and tried and finally gave up. But this morning, I ran out of that piddly 1 1/2 cups of coconut oil, and I knew it was time for battle.

I wrestled the 50-pound container into the bathroom and doused it in the hottest water I could get out of the spigot. Coconut oil melts at 76 degrees, so I was hoping it would melt so I could actually pour it out of the spigot. Five minutes later, I pulled it out and tried to transfer it into a container. Nothing. I tried again, this time for ten minutes with the bathtub filling around it.

This time, I was able to half fill my container - I poured out about two cups of oil. I put the bucket back into the tub and wrestled it out again ten minutes later. We had less this time, but it was pouring, at least. This time, when I put it back into the bathtub, it hit the water upright and the resulting splash soaked me. It took me one more melting/pouring attempt to fill the container, with the solid coconut oil jumping into the spigot opening and blocking the melted oil.

Next time, I'm taking the bucket to a hardware store and paying for something big, mean, and bad to cut through the totally-sealed packaging.

Or I just won't by my coconut oil in bulk.

I wonder. Does anyone know what I could get out of the company who sold it to me for pain and suffering?


Heidi said...

Where in the world did you order it from? (So I know not to give them my coconut oil business in the future when eventually, my five-gallon bucket with a lid that comes off runs out. ;))

Kelly Sauer said...

LOL - Nutiva. I like their oil the best of any I've had, but wow are they going to hear from me about it!

PaperYarnGirl said...

Wow. I'd certainly call and ask them for recommendations - maybe after they hear your story they'll offer you some credit or something!

Alethea Jordan said...

Oh, WOW. Those are the times you want those "can openers"(I guess) that open ANYTHING!

Healthy Oil Guy said...

I've never ordered a 50 lb. container of coconut oil before. The shipping costs must have been astronomical for such a heavy item, but I guess you save on the bulk purchase. Too bad about the jug not opening. I would raise a stink with the company if that happened to me.

Frederick said...

Hello Kelly! This is simply too much trouble, even for The Healthiest Oil on the Planet.

Yes, I think you should let Nutiva have it, diplomatically, well, at least at first... ;-)

Take care.

Your Drugstore in a Bottle

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