In the Wilderness, She Sings

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I have a new blog title today. Did you notice? The story behind the title is up in my sidebar here. I've been finding that my heart isn't so restless as it was. I want to write about life because I'm living it now, in Him. I'm not running around looking for it. He's bringing it to me. Or me to life. I'm not sure which - or if it's both.

I don't know why I didn't think of it before now. Or perhaps I do. Perhaps I didn't want to go there. I didn't want to be her. The woman who believed that everything she had came from her own resources, when it had really come from her eternal Lover. I didn't want to be the woman who found herself hedged in by thorns, who couldn't find the path to get what she wanted. I didn't want to find myself stripped of what was life to me. I didn't want to stand naked in the valley of tears.

I want to be beautiful, to be sufficient in myself, to be something. Sometimes I want anything besides being His. That identity is more about Him than it is about me. The decrease of me that must come as He must increase. The life I must lose in order to find it. Not comfortable. And mostly insane, when you think about it from a human perspective.

The Cross wasn't a suicide, I'm finding. It wasn't even surrender, an "I give up to the enemy now." Jesus yielded Himself to His Father. Not handing victory to an enemy. He gave His life to His Father to do with it what He wanted. There was never any doubt for Him that God would return it to Him. So why would He demean Himself, allow Himself to be stripped of all the glory that God Himself had given Him?

It must have been for this:
"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. I will give her her vineyards from there, and the Valley of [Tears] as a door of hope; she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt."

- Hosea 2:14-15
It must have been for the bad days, the days when I can't climb out of myself, the days when I can't go on living without someone to save me from the crud that I own. It must have been so that I would have hope, knowing that He would come for me, even in the muck of my mistakes.

I want to know Him so much, to know that He loves me, even though I'm not anything worth anything. Thank God He made it possible. Thank God that His love for me makes me something.
"I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the LORD."

- Hosea 2: 19-20


Alison said...

so beautiful, Kelly. What a lovely relationship you have with our King.

Katrina said...

I learn and grow so much from reading your blog. Thank you for sharing yourself and your journey as you try to walk in His steps.

dancebythelight said...

Ah, you express yourself so beautifully! Thanks for sharing.

Becky said...

I LOVE your new blog title...and the explanation in the sidebar. I can relate more than I am always comfortable admitting. :)

gina said...

Oh my, I just found your site via Shutter Sisters.....your photography is beautiful, but beyond the photos, I was hooked by just reading your sidebar and then this post....Oh, how much I can relate...
thanks for putting this out there!

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