my own corner

Thursday, February 26, 2009

When I got pregnant with Piper, this was the only thing I knew I just had to have to have a baby: a gliding rocking chair, and a quiet corner where I could sit with the baby and rest and dream and wonder. In a way, this is the corner I've tried to create on my blog. I like having a place to ramble a bit, to think out loud and have it spoken back to me, a place to share my photos and dreams and ideas and crazy.

A couple of weeks ago, I got something like 700 hits in my statcounter. It kinda threw me at first, but it also drove me to do a bit of writing recently just to keep myself writing, keep my corner "picked up," if you will. This discipline is different for me, but it has been very good.

And you know, I've discovered some things in my corner as I have been picking up and rearranging a bit.

Did you know, I love to give and receive comments - not just the "that's cool" kind of comments, but the lovely comments that tell me a bit about the person leaving the comment - that the comments that mean the most to me are the ones that offer relationship between me and the Commenter. I know there are many friends of mine who read my blog who don't comment, and don't email, and I wonder if they think I don't want to know about them, or that I have shared everything already, or if I am simply too much? I am learning to wait for the things that are worth the anticipation, to release my need of instant, deep affirmation, to be okay with who I am and what I have written if I don't hear from anyone. I think that is the mark of a true artist, isn't it?

Writing, creating - these are only starting points for me, an initial expression of a feeling that doesn't make sense until I can see and experience it and explore it until I know what it is.

I'm not going to make a good wedding photographer, I have decided. Want to know why? Every photo that I take is a piece of me, a moment I relive through every minute of post-processing until I can finally put it behind me as I move on to the next piece of me that I will be giving away. It's not just a business to me - it's a giving. I'll take a wedding here and there - I love them so! - but I'll be choosy. I need my clients to understand just how much of ME they're getting, and be willing to give me the time I need to give myself to them. I have two such wonderful clients in my queue who should be getting some pictures soon, and two more who are giving me a chance to give soon. I'll be posting some photos on my photography blog by this weekend, I think.

I'm feeling positively poetic, looking for stories again as I make time for me that isn't driven by what I have to get done. An hour or two of rest and thought and quiet really gives me so much more to offer.

I have a little one curled up on the couch, napping all on her own; my husband is on a happy adrenalin high at work today with the sort of project he went to law school to accomplish; and I feel a quiet, cloudy-day conviction that it's all right to be and not to strive for now.

So I am enjoying my own corner again, in the nicest way there is: with a soft, wonderful fuzzy-around-the-edges feeling and just a bit of inspiration.


||| laura frantz ||| said...

So glad you're enjoying your corner of the 'sphere again, and a lovely corner it is. And yes, sometimes readers need to pour it in and let it steep before pouring it out again. You know that is so with this reader.

PaperYarnGirl said...

I love reading your blog; I love the clarity of your thoughts, which often mirror things that run through my own head.

I wish you lived down the street, so you could take pictures of my girls. I am astonished at the Life you capture in the frame. And when they are to be married, I hope you are still shooting the occasional wedding! :-)

Shelli said...

I'm so glad to hear your blog is attracting so many readers! That's great. And it's well deserved too. I just haven't found the energy or motivation to work on my blog lately, nor to read all the wonderful blogs I have in my RSS feed! I suppose it's a phase, or maybe I'm just prioritizing. But I do miss writing. I just haven't had any inspiration lately.

Your glider and corner look so inviting!

As far as your question on my photo blog, all of the outdoor shots at the Homestead were taken last Fall. I was waiting until I got back there to take some indoor shots (which I did recently) to post them on my blog. Thanks for all your support and encouragement with my photos. It means so much.

Kelly Sauer said...

I should note that my readership count is back down under 200 now, which makes me feel a little more comfortable! Thanks for the lovely comments!

emily said...

kelly. kelly, kelly, kelly. I feel the same way about wedding photography. I've shot exactly one wedding that I got paid for. And I don't think I can do it again. First, it was with a friend who was the main photographer so the pressure was off me, really. But second, it takes so much. I LOVE shooting weddings. But it I almost love it more when the pressure to capture it ALL isn't on me. So I can meander around in the background and find the stories and frame them one by one.

I can't wait to see your photos. I could look at stranger brides all day, everyday. So beautiful it all is. I'm glad you are settling into a fuzzy inspirational corner. Thanks for sharing it with us, while you have it to give.

And I'm with you in the bathtub, sorry. Kind of like in high school when all the other cheerleaders were on the same cycle as me? Or was that just at my high school?

Esther said...

I think the first time I visited you was a post about friendship...something about being a freind means you want to know more about that person and vice versa. I loved that, because it's real. I love to serve my friends and even strangers, but I have found that one of the best services is to simply be interested, to care and wonder...
and when people are open and real those things come so easily.

That's why I come back, and comment, and take your words with me when I leave.

Thank you...

ellen said...

The thing about writing something true and vulnerable is that when you send it out, it leaves a little open place in you. I think most people want to see an immediate return on it. But, even when we don't get that response we think we needed, it's still worth it. Building relationships or community that matter at all means risking a little. It's something that I'm working on and I know that somewhere in the process I'll get a glimpse at what God wants for us in fellowship (I guess blogging falls under that?).

I like your little corner.

Kelly Sauer said...

Ellen, what a beautiful description of what happens when you are vulnerable - anytime! This is exactly what I feel every time I post...

Thank each of you for visiting!

Melissa Stover said...

it's very peaceful here in your corner.

i love to give and get comments too (though my giving has slacked off since i'm mostly one handed lately because of the baby).

i go back and forth. when i started the blog it was because i enjoy writing and write everyday anyway so i thought i'd try it a little more publicly.

then i got a few comments and that fueled the fire. sometimes i catch myself thriving on the comments, but if i go back and read some of my posts, the ones where i really write for myself, then i remember why i started and why i still enjoy it so much. it's for me mostly, but the wonderful relationships that it has built makes it even better.

Vicky said...

I have come to read your blog often myself. If I don't comment, its because there is such beauty and eloquence to something you've written, I don't have sufficient words to convey how you've touched me, or words that are equal to what you have written.

I know I surprised myself by realizing I love the "community" that can spring up around a blog. I think I turned a small corner the other day when I posted and then asked my readers a question, to share something about themselves. I learned so much about them, in a meaningful way and now a dialogue is beginning.

I already love what you say and how you say it :) As I get to know you better, I am sure my comments will reflect this!! Blessings to you!

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