This is Us: Life at Our House

Friday, September 18, 2009

I am aware that there are many sides to me. I think I don't intentionally put one side away and choose to live out of the others - it just happens, dependent on my mood, the weather, the color I am wearing on a given day...

I am not always so introspective as I have found myself here recently. Introspection works for poetry; poetry seems merely to romanticize any description of the dailiness of my life, leaving out the gritty noise and mess of it all. I suppose if I were a better poet, I could figure out a way to include that in my writing or my prose, but when I sit down to write, I'm looking to share something beautiful, and finding the beauty to write reminds me that my life is not all noise and mess and tired.

My third trimester began yesterday. I think I am as pregnant as I want to be this time. I made a day of the gloom on Monday, trying to figure out whether I wanted any more children, ever, deciding that yes, I do, but please, I don't want to be pregnant again. I argue that I miss my figure, but I really haven't looked at myself in about two years to notice whether it's here or gone. I enjoyed a shallow-ish self-pity session, voices and annoyances hosted free with embarrassment to go.

(In my defense, my baby-boy pregnancy has been more difficult than my baby-girl pregnancy, and I haven't been sleeping so well in recent weeks. Anyone knows that a lack of sleep puts a different spin on just about everything.)

As you can see, Button has grown. He has a name now, and a personality that makes me wonder if he won't be even busier than his sister. I am hoping his almost-constant interaction with us means that he will want to meet us sooner, rather than later.

Piper keeps me busy during the day, making her messes, chattering away. I am "Momp" to her now, and she enjoys tea parties with the cats whose names she has finally learned to use against them as she chides them for doing what they shouldn't.

She is learning manners, too, "Peeze" and "Thank you!" and "Smee me," her version of Excuse me. Last week at my parents' house, I discovered just what a little parrot she has become, as my dad was holding her while destroying a small stump in the goat pasture that my youngest brother had just tripped over. Piper clung to "G-pah" for dear life and grunted out viciously at the offending stump, "Dumb stump!"

I am glad to be home this week, amazed that Friday is already here. I'm finding myself searching the trees for signs of color that likely won't appear for a good month yet, assuming we receive some sunny days with the cooling nights. It is hard to believe we have been here a year already, that we have survived the Southern summer, that soon the outdoors will welcome us again, instead of trying to suck the life out of us.


RECOMMENDED: Check out this beautiful post from one of my bestish friends, Heidi, over at Fresh Brew, the Ungrind blog!

SHOUT-OUT: For a fun shot at a book giveaway about slowing down a fast-lane life, check out Amber's blog!

ALSO: My blog friend Emily has written about a new way to send aid to needy people in third-world countries.

AND on THAT note: Do you have a favorite charity/ministry to add to this Christmas list?

(Images © Informal Moments Photography)


Danielle said...

I was just wondering today, as I left storytime at the library early due to Duncan being disruptive, if I ever wanted any more children, ever. I can hardly manage the two I have! But yes, I do too, but can we skip this toddler defiance stage, please?

You look great! Hope you have some lovely weather this fall and get to enjoy cooler temps!

Laura said...

I must say that both you and "Button" look beautiful. On this other side of pregnancy years, this is easy for my eyes to see--the beauty of your little boy growing inside you. I still remember how precious it was to feel life inside me...yet, I forget the difficult parts. You are handling it with grace.


FaithBarista Bonnie said...

I came to thank you for leaving a comment at FaithBarista. I just posted a response, but wanted to come say "hi!".

What a beautiful blog you have -- expressing a beautiful spirit,Kelly! I love our photos and also your thoughts. A poet is in you undoubtedly.

My second pregnancy with CJ was very difficult. I was sick throughout the nights as well - the entire 9 months. It was difficult with two year old TJ with me.

But, once CJ came, I knew it was all worth it (well, after the first 6 weeks .. ;).

Hang in there. You are almost there to see your AMAZING son. Can't wait to hear his name.


Kate said...

Wow - can't believe you've been in SC a year! Looking forward to meeting Button and hearing his name too.

Amber@theRunaMuck said...

Have I told you lately that I love yoU?!

and goodness, you're gorgeous.

Kelly Langner Sauer said...

Danielle - I think I haven't outgrown the toddler defiance stage yet, so really it's more conviction for me than frustration. I'm just tired of stretching out here... :-P

Laura - you are very kind. I don't mind looking at other pregnant women. Having had one, I can fully appreciate the beauty of it all. It's so funny, the icky part of that grace that we forget!

Faith Barista - Awh, thanks for your sweet comment here, and your response on your blog too! It is lovely to "meet" you, so glad to have found you!

Kate - the amazing part of our living here for a year is that we have actually SEEN you. This is miraculous, you know.

Amber - Awh again! I laughed at your "gorgeous" comment! I wish I looked like YOU!

Jessica said...

Oh, I hear you on the "want more kids, but don't ever want to be pregnant again" thing! I told Sierra and Lucy today, "You are very cute kids, and I love you, but I really do not enjoy the time when you are on the inside." Not that I really had it bad with sickness or aches and pains (compared to some anyway). I just feel wiped all the time and eating and drinking are a necessary evil that must be done many, many times a day.

Love the baby bump, though! Besides the feeling of the baby moving inside me, that is probably the one thing I am looking forward to in this pregnancy. ( Besides the baby at the end of it, of course!) Not that I like feeling huge and uncomfortable, but I don't mind the baby bump figure too much. :-)

deb said...

When I think back to those days I am filled with so many emotions. I enjoyed being pregnant, even though the fifth was not planned ( surgery doesn't always work :)but was terrified of having children. People Who would, you know, depend on me. .Sometimes the guilt and fear and powerlessness would rise and kick me , and my faking it would send me into dark and sleepless nights.
But we can never know the plan, or the depths of trust and faith and love. Love.
And the more I tried to control everything... the more I was humbled into knowing I needed to surrender.
Sending you so much love....

Carrie said...

Your belly bump is so beautiful!!! And of course Piper is, too! I'm so glad your little boy has a name - so sweet!!! :) Hope you can start sleeping better soon! I haven't had a really good night's rest since this pregnancy started either! :)

Susan said...

You look wonderful Kelly. Can't wait to hear the little guy's name! I've had that "never again" thought both with being pregnant and with the children, but you know somehow I forget those days or something. :)

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