Breathing Through

Friday, December 4, 2009


The night passes in five, ten-minute intervals.

I am conscious that I am resting, drifting in and out of dreams and silly head-stuck songs, aware of baby-movement, of womb-tightening that has not stopped for hours.

It is an almost-normal night. There is a full moon. Pete wants to rest early; Piper napped at five, so she is awake. She plays with my hair, sticks her fingers up his nose. She giggles when my fingers find her chin in the dark, and I giggle too, and she giggles again, and we both have the giggles. Pete is grumpy. I cuddle her close.

Soon.

The midwife has been called. She is resting too. I am glad not to disturb her tonight, worried that each contraction will be the last, that I will be embarrassed because I did not know - again.

But I know. It will be soon.

Morning breaks quiet, and still they come.

I eat. I drink. I remember another morning like this, so nervous. Mom and Dad came in the thunderstorm the night before. We slept and woke and waited almost all the next day. And then Piper came, and I was a Mama.

I am not less nervous now.

Pete has left for work early, to take care of some pressing things, while Piper sleeps and labor comes slow. I breathe through as I sit, willing the baby to drop a bit, hoping to hold him soon. He was busy last night.

The pain comes low, insistent, then eases. I surrender to it, last night's shock-shivers lifted. I consider how this pain - of all pains - begs me to my knees; I wonder how I will meet God there today.

I hope it will be today. This can go on for days, they say.

I open my hands, mutely asking His nearness, His entrance into this journey of mine. The tears aren't from the labor. They are longing welling up, vulnerable seeking sufficient.

And I can ask this, for the labor of another mother brought God human into our life. Into our death. To bring Life that is God with us.

The full moon sets; the sun rises through clouds.

I wait for Him.





(Image © Informal Moments Photography)

21 comments:

Glynn said...

We've got you in prayer, Kelly.

PaperYarnGirl said...

What a beautiful and special moment you've preserved. We're praying for you here, and awaiting exciting news!

Danielle said...

Beautifully written, and while in labor too! Praying for you . . .

Amber@theRunaMuck said...

Gorgeous. You.

I'm praying for you all day and tonight and tomorrow.

Thank you for taking note here.

Monica Sharman said...

I continue to pray...

Katy said...

Praying for you, and hoping to hear good news of another Sauer! :-) Can't wait to visit again!

Maureen said...

In the space
between the waiting
and the coming

there is moonlight
given to morning

breaths held
released
now holding

soon to give light
to give life
to give love

Thinking of you.

Bunch of Barrons said...

Beautiful...your words and becoming/being a mother. Praying for you!

the Joneses said...

Good heavens, you write poetry while in labor. I stand in awe.

Also praying.

-- SJ

Kelly Langner Sauer said...

SJ - you can guess it's not terribly active labor at this point... ;-) Pray it up for me, will ya?

Thank you all for the prayers, comments, encouragement. The suspense is easier with you all dropping in!

Janet Oberholtzer said...

Hope the hours go by quickly as you wait and as easy as possible when active labor comes.

praying!

Anonymous said...

That's awesome that you're so close, Kelly! I hope you get to meet your little boy soon. That's SO EXCITING!!!! I'm only 8 1/2 weeks along. :)
-Tricia

Kelly Langner Sauer said...

awh, Tricia, I didn't know! Congratulations to you! You've got to be SO excited!

S. Etole said...

Safe passage little one ... loving arms await you.

Cara S. said...

Wow! I just stumbled upon your blog and I feel like I hit the jackpot! What a wonderful post. Even though I just found you, I am praying for you and your family too! I know it may be a while before you get back on and blog but stop by some time and see me. I am now a follower! best of luck to you.

Carrie said...

Wow, Kelly, what a beautiful post. I'm sorry your labor isn't progressing very quickly - I'll be praying for you!!! (may I say I'm almost a little jealous to have NOTHING of that sort going on over here??? I probably have at least another week.) :(

Corinne said...

This is beautiful, reminds me of waiting for my Paige.
Saying prayers for you and the babe.

Undeserving said...

I'm here to share: He is faithful the second time, too. Not that we really ever doubted, but the waves of worry certainly swept over me this past week. And I wondered. And I fretted. And when many hours of labor dragged on and on without progress or an end in sight... I started losing faith. But Ps 100 is right... He is faithful. And He met me where I was.

And I needed Him to.

Let me know if you want to chat. :-) And know I'm thinking of you daily... hourly... and am praying He will remind you of His love and faithfulness in each moment. The best part about second time labor is that you are more aware of the reward at the end of it... despite - no, inspite of - the mountain that looms above you.

nAncY said...

waiting with you.

Jo@Mylestones said...

Oh so exciting--that this might be it! And you've written so beautifully about this night, these moments before he arrives to turn your world upside down (in the best possible way of course!).

Laura said...

I can never forget those first deep pangs of birth pains. It was like nothing I had ever felt...nothing I could explain. The hurt came from deep inside. From change.

Oh, where is this little boy? The change will come and he will ride in on the wave, sweep away all memory of the deep whirlpool of pain.

Praying, Kelly.

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