Monday, January 18, 2010
He makes my small hands look large with his tiny.
Sometimes he looks up at me when I'm doing something or saying something, and I look down and catch his wide-eyed wonder.
And he smiles. Just for me right now. Goofy smiles for giggling. Happy smiles for flying. "I want to stay up smiles" that come by night-light late when I'd much rather be sleeping than rocking. Smiles that make me feel so loved when he meets my eyes as if he is talking to me, sharing his little happy heart.
I think he likes me.
This amazes me.
Already he is growing. Already his skin is losing that new-baby softness. Already his weak is stronger, his eyes are brighter, his voice is louder.
My heart is planting dreams, hoping stories for my children, for our family, praying laughter and conversation and silliness and dancing and happy and together-growth. I picture my children talking to each other, saying one another's names.
Names that we chose for them...
I imagine Piper's first crush, Bredon's first ballgame, girls' night out, boys' time...
I think we should get a dog. A family needs a dog. That would really annoy our house cats. They would so deserve it.
How will I talk about Jesus with my children? I am only beginning to learn. If you ask Piper who made her, half the time her answer is "Mickey Mouse."
She is a silly.
We read to them before we go to bed. We go to bed at the same time right now, with Piper needing her normal and Bredon up late with evening colic.
I want them to know about God. To know how He makes me who I am, who I don't realize I am until I think about it.
I realize it takes courage to stand in Jesus and say "I am human; I am justified. I am dead to sin and alive to God now." I have been gaining that courage to live so free.
I feel so very young sometimes. So unready to be the mother that I am now.
I notice my hands as I hold my children.
They don't know how small I feel. They don't know that I am only me for them because of Jesus loving me.
I think sharing that love with them doesn't have to frighten me. It is just His bigger hand on my tiny.
Every day I pray for grace.
(Image © Informal Moments Photography)