Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I'm doing the picture thing this week. The words aren't coming so easily. I can't even read very well; I'm miles behind on my blog-reading.
There are various reasons. Bredon is becoming more active, Piper has been sick, we have medical appointments four out of seven days this week. My Google searches would tell more, but I don't feel like sharing.
But I've been taking pictures at least. Looking at pictures. Spending less time at my computer and more time doing other stuff. This other stuff, it's important. It makes me want to be quiet. To be white, for a while.
I'm not keeping up so well. It feels like we've been sick for months - really, it's been about two months, though, since Bredon was born. One thing after another, and Piper threw up this morning.
So I've been removing myself from the loop. Not Twittering so much or posting so much or reading so much or emailing so much. Ann Voskamp's auto-response gave me courage to let go... I've been resting, instead - well, slowly learning to rest, learning where I can let go, starting over again at the "I have nothing to give" stage and changing my priorities again. And again, and again. The schedule keeps changing.
I've never done anything like this before, this mothering-two thing. I used to be afraid that my dolls would be jealous of one another if I spent more time with one than with another. I imagined they fought over who got to sleep at my right side. It's even scarier with children.
Tomorrow, I'll be posting part three in my God-love story. Today, I'm doing laundry and dishes and house-cleaning. Assuming the little guy will let me have a hand free. The baby-wearing just knocks my back out...
Huh. There is a period after my title, "White."
I want something that finished. That clean. Maybe it's the photos. I'm tired of shooting around the clutter. I'm constantly looking for white space to frame my photos - maybe that's why I shoot so much macro - the details are cleaner than the full, messy picture. It's a challenge, making the mess look beautiful. I focus on the parts, rather than the whole.
That says something interesting about me, I suppose.
At any rate, I have to get back to my mess. I'll leave the clean and finished for the blog.
(Image © Informal Moments Photography)