Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I'm doing the picture thing this week. The words aren't coming so easily. I can't even read very well; I'm miles behind on my blog-reading.

There are various reasons. Bredon is becoming more active, Piper has been sick, we have medical appointments four out of seven days this week. My Google searches would tell more, but I don't feel like sharing.

But I've been taking pictures at least. Looking at pictures. Spending less time at my computer and more time doing other stuff. This other stuff, it's important. It makes me want to be quiet. To be white, for a while.

I'm not keeping up so well. It feels like we've been sick for months - really, it's been about two months, though, since Bredon was born. One thing after another, and Piper threw up this morning.

So I've been removing myself from the loop. Not Twittering so much or posting so much or reading so much or emailing so much. Ann Voskamp's auto-response gave me courage to let go... I've been resting, instead - well, slowly learning to rest, learning where I can let go, starting over again at the "I have nothing to give" stage and changing my priorities again. And again, and again. The schedule keeps changing.

I've never done anything like this before, this mothering-two thing. I used to be afraid that my dolls would be jealous of one another if I spent more time with one than with another. I imagined they fought over who got to sleep at my right side. It's even scarier with children.

Tomorrow, I'll be posting part three in my God-love story. Today, I'm doing laundry and dishes and house-cleaning. Assuming the little guy will let me have a hand free. The baby-wearing just knocks my back out...

Huh. There is a period after my title, "White."

I want something that finished. That clean. Maybe it's the photos. I'm tired of shooting around the clutter. I'm constantly looking for white space to frame my photos - maybe that's why I shoot so much macro - the details are cleaner than the full, messy picture. It's a challenge, making the mess look beautiful. I focus on the parts, rather than the whole.

That says something interesting about me, I suppose.

At any rate, I have to get back to my mess. I'll leave the clean and finished for the blog.

(Image © Informal Moments Photography)


rebeccannb said...

I love your macro photos! The picture in this blog is beautiful.

?ete said...

I note with a rather rye (as in marbled & toasted with sauerkraut, corned beef and some Russian dressing; NOT *wry*) smile your thought on punctuation. I would add that we tend to have more ellipsis than periods puncturing our punctiliousness... ?

Jessica said...

I don't think spending less time on the computer is a bad thing. Taking care of your family and yourself are far more important than chatting with us out here in cyberspace!

Jen Wells said...

Hang in there! My youngest just turned one, and I am just now feeling like myself. Something to do with sleeping all night. Don't worry about your little ones. When they are so young, they are bound to throw fits of jealous rage from time to time. The best thing you cand do is to teach your older one to love and include your little one. I am learning this lesson every day. I hope you all feel better soon. You are in my prayers.

Melissa-Brotherton said...

You're doing a lot Momma! Give yourself room to breathe and rest. This post is beautiful and so honest. We've all been there (I'm anticipating those newborn months again) and it's an achIevement just to shower...let alone write, photograph, clean, nurture and connect. I'm praying for you today and looking forward to your post tomorrow.

sarah said...

I'm so sorry for the ongoing sickness. I hope it eases and health returns. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your babies, and to continue seeing the beauty in your world.

Vonda Murdock said...

White is beautiful.

Maureen said...

You're focusing where focusing matters: you, Piper, Bredon, Pete.

And, white, as Vonda says, is beautiful. It has to be; it's the opposite of black, of dark.

Wishing you peace.

Joy said...

I am so sorry you are in this season of sickness. If we were just a wee bit closer I'd be over in minute with a meal and a made-to-order nap for you, and maybe a couple of laundry loads thrown in. I promise, promise that it is only a season and it will pass...even though it doesn't seem like it right now.

Love be with you, dear one. It's okay to rest. We readers will be here when you get back. The anticipation of your return will make it all that more lovely.

Corinne said...

"I used to be afraid that my dolls would be jealous of one another if I spent more time with one than with another. "
Kelly, I was the SAME way, and it's partly what I feared about having two. If I could love enough, feel enough for both so that they wouldn't get jealous. So that they knew it was equal. Somehow, they know.
Feel better.

Bina said...

This place just gets more and more beautiful! Love, love, LOVE that pic...maybe because you took the time to showcase my favorite blossom :)

Good for you on the down time...do it, enjoy it and cherish it in the time that you have right now because, as you know, who knows what tomorrow holds!

Huggles, Sweetness.

Cassandra Frear said...

I like to focus on the parts, rather than the whole, too. It's my strength and my stumbling block, all in one.

casual friday every day said...

The first several months adjusting to more than one child is hard! It'll get easier.


Claire said...

k, i too seek out the uncluttered. your blog is one space in which i find it.

thank you for the clarity and the hope you give.

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