a post about gray

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

because today was gray
and watery yellow
and blur and

i'm dreaming in black and white
in desaturation
in too little sleep and
not enough energy

wishing i was well again
to think
to play
to stay up and keep up.

the illness that won't go away
sometimes lifts just enough
that i know
what i'm missing.

and i look for the life in the gray
because i live here
and the elusive "they" might not
but i am gray too
and i don't want to be.

the gray is the fog hemming
me in
behind the plexiglass that keeps me dry
and supposedly

tomorrow there will be sun i know
but gray is always here
around the fringes of my bright
reminding me
i am not well
or whole

i am broken in gray
free-falling afraid every time that
i will be here forever
hoping that God really understands
what i feel
that i'm tired

hoping that He doesn't mind that i can't
or play
or stay up or keep up.

and i cry sometimes
when it is gray.


Esther said...

For me that gray has a different name, but still lingers 'around the fringes of my bright'

S. Mehrens said...

K, I love when you post pictures you've taken, especially the abstract. They are so beautiful and remind me of paintings I've seen or greeting cards and calendars. You have a wonderful gift. Thanks for sharing. :)

||| laura frantz ||| said...

Aw, honey. It's been a bad week. Wishing I could hug you through the fog.

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