because today was gray
and watery yellow
and blur and
tired.
i'm dreaming in black and white
in desaturation
in too little sleep and
not enough energy
wishing i was well again
to think
to play
to stay up and keep up.
the illness that won't go away
sometimes lifts just enough
that i know
what i'm missing.
and i look for the life in the gray
because i live here
and the elusive "they" might not
understand
but i am gray too
and i don't want to be.
the gray is the fog hemming
me in
behind the plexiglass that keeps me dry
and supposedly
safe
tomorrow there will be sun i know
but gray is always here
around the fringes of my bright
reminding me
i am not well
or whole
i am broken in gray
free-falling afraid every time that
i will be here forever
confused,
disoriented,
hoping that God really understands
what i feel
that i'm tired
hoping that He doesn't mind that i can't
think
or play
or stay up or keep up.
and i cry sometimes
when it is gray.
3 comments:
For me that gray has a different name, but still lingers 'around the fringes of my bright'
K, I love when you post pictures you've taken, especially the abstract. They are so beautiful and remind me of paintings I've seen or greeting cards and calendars. You have a wonderful gift. Thanks for sharing. :)
Aw, honey. It's been a bad week. Wishing I could hug you through the fog.
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