Reflecting - A Gratitude Ramble

Monday, November 30, 2009

"Well, I'm outta here. See ya later!" He threw up his hands with an intentionally crazy grin and danced away to the tune of the toddler's "it's the end of the world!" mourning. She was prostrate on the floor in the living room, loudly making her case for another day home for Daddy.

It was a sweet (and Sauer - groan if you must, I had to say it!) testimony to a few things I've been collecting on my gratitude list this week, in spite of the sick and the ick we've had at our house.

(And if you think this thankfulness makes me very spiritual, you really need to visit our house to see just how UN-spiritual I have been this week. From wanting credit for my service to whining all day yesterday to pretty much giving up because I haven't felt appreciated - I'm NOT exactly the Proverbs 31 woman here...)

No, I've just been listing goodnesses I noticed this week. I suppose you could say I've really been collecting graces - you know, the stuff God gives in spite of me. Nothing I deserve and all that.
*35: Watching dad and daughter bond through a week of sick.

*36: Finishing my final wedding processing before baby

*37: A Saturday with no processing hanging over my head

*38: Time to enjoy with my family without job responsibility to anyone else

*39: Money that came with exact timing to meet exact need

*40: Two friends with babies safe-birthed in the last two days

*41: Hot showers and steam for congested lungs and heads

*42: Kleenex and symptom relief

*43: A chance to take pictures because I want to

*44: Needed perspective for thankful seemingly overdone

*45: Six days of gray to enjoy a warm house with Christmas cozy

*46: Sunlight after gray.

*47: Christmas tree in the corner with unlost lights in sun. (rearranging miracle, let me note!)

*48: Heart-tender for hard conversations

*49: Scattered rest at night - with breath for sleeping

*50: Nothing pressing on my to-do list.
The photo above is a reflected self-portrait I shot in a shop window during our walk on King Street last year, a walk Pete offered to repeat this last weekend as my health deteriorated. Sigh. I have it as my background photo on my computer now, a reminder that Christmas is coming, a reflection of who I was a year ago.

I'm not so different now, I think. Sure, I'm a mom to two instead of one now. Freed from photographical responsibilities until I choose to take them on again (oh, I'm loving that one!).

Suddenly finding unfettered time to reflect a little, driving around a bit by myself last weekend, I find I am less weighed down than I was. I've been reflecting lately, looking for my reflection, checking for baby-weight and heart-weight and learning to rest and wait for God to convict if He wishes.

Sometimes, all I can do is lay out the "Search me, O God and know my heart" and let Him decide whether He wants to tell me what He knows or not.

This is grace too, I think. He doesn't burden me with me before affirming my knowledge of His heart for me.

Still pretty foggy today - please bear with my rambling. At least I'm mostly conscious!


This post also linked at Holy Experience for One Thousand Gifts.

(Well, when Ann returns to it after an incident with scissors, it will be linked.)

(Image © Informal Moments Photography)


Laura said...

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better, Kelly. These are all graces...and beautiful reminders of the gifts in the every day.

Happy Advent.

Cassandra Frear said...

Hope you feel well soon!

Monica Sharman said...

I think the #50 is absolutely fabulous!

And I just had a sad realization: I will not be able to bring you a baby meal. :(

Carrie said...

I'm so glad you're enjoying being done with the photography, at least the business aspect of it for now, and enjoying doing it for fun again. I know exactly how it feels to have that pressure off! :)

Lyla Lindquist said...

Sometimes, all I can do is lay out the "Search me, O God and know my heart" and let Him decide whether He wants to tell me what He knows or not.

I want to say something to that. But it seems you already did.

Might I just be content to let Him tell me what He knows. When He wants, not when I take the big stick to beat it out of Him.

Anonymous said...

good reflection and reflecting

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