Sometimes I wonder...

...if it really does any good to pray.

And on days like today, I stumble into the reality that God listens. And answers.

You who are praying for me, I am in awe. I am almost hesitant to accept the strength, the encouragement, the rays of sunlight, the uplifted mood as everything shifts from clouds to color and brightness.

The waiting isn't hard today. My heart isn't so heavy as my stomach feels, hanging off my front, bigger than ever. His good is falling down around me, and I'm heart-staring in unwarranted surprise.

I have no explanation beyond your prayers.

It's humbling for me to ask you to continue. But who can knock this? Especially realizing that He is listening to you. Answering your prayers. Caring for me. Showing His care for you in His provision for me.

I think I don't need to be so hesitant to offer to pray as I have been.

Thank you for praying for me. For your involvement in teaching this heart more about His heart.

Ya'll (lol - my ode to having moved South!!! - did I just SAY THAT???) are incredible.

"Praise the LORD! Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever."
(Ps. 106:1)





(Image © Informal Moments Photography)

RAP Poetry Response: Un-Conversation

"I can never forget those first deep pangs of birth pains. It was like nothing I had ever felt...nothing I could explain. The hurt came from deep inside. From change."

- Laura Boggess, from a comment on my blog

Un-Conversation

The "first deep pangs"
left me shaking aware
I wasn't who I had been or
who I had become or
who I would be

she spoke
the first deep words
that defined the feeling

and I answer back,
"yes, it is change, it is
this inside-hurt
so many have felt

and shared

with me." There is

no conversation required
among us who have been
changed, just
pensive waiting in
community
communion as we ache for

joy

grown from
tears, and
strength in trembling labor when
who we are

emerges into Life that makes us
who we are meant to be.

-----------------------------

Written for L.L. Barkat's Random Acts of Poetry prompt at High Calling Blogs. Leave your own poem for "In Conversation" at her blog today, for a link and possible feature at HCB!

Oh, and that 12 Days of Community thing she mentions at the bottom of her post today? Check it out - or try it out! There are some pretty cool peoples involved in it recently. Wish I had energy to participate!





(Image © Informal Moments Photography)

Fresh Brew Fridays (and Other Assorted Randomnity)

You know those articles I periodically write and post here? Well, Ungrind is sick of me (just kidding) and wants to hear from you at the Ungrind blog, Fresh Brew.

Each month we dive into a new topic both on Ungrind and here at our blog, Fresh Brew. As we do, we'd love to see our readers—yes, you—more actively involved in sharing your thoughts and insights on our themes. So, we created Fresh Brew Fridays.

What exactly is a "Fresh Brew Friday"?

Take the month of September, for example. All month long, we are discussing friendship. As we do, we want to hear your thoughts and stories on what friendship looks like in your life. Next month, we'll be looking at what it means to be authentic. Again, we want to hear from you on this.

To find out more about how to get involved in Fresh Brew Fridays, click over to Fresh Brew for a chance to have your theme post republished at Fresh Brew.

-----------------------------

Don't miss Serena Woods' "Joy" post from this week. This from a woman who truly knows Grace.

-----------------------------

Good News! I'm actually headed out of town today. I'll be staying with my parents, who finally got their Certificate of Occupancy this week, and I won't have Internet access until they get it, which could be later, rather than sooner, depending on how things work out.

I'll be back Monday, Sept. 14th. Browse around the Archive, if you like!

-----------------------------


Isn't this just the cutest look ever? Pip doesn't like to watch Cinderella that often, but she gets the concept and how it translates to her life. The raggedy clothes, the shorts on her head (huh?), the floor mop... Drama, drama. I love it. We're off to see Uncle Kate, and she's happy as a clam about that today. In between her I-didn't-sleep-last-night fits. Did you know, those are contagious?

-----------------------------

P.S. If you like Amber at The Run Amuck, vote for her blog here!






(Piper Image © Informal Moments Photography)
(Fresh Brew Fridays Image © Ungrind.org)

nothing so encouraging as His Spirit

When we first met, it wasn't yet time. God had work to do, and we waited wondering, sensing His hand, learning to rest, finding each one another.

Then Sunday morning sunlight came through coffee-shop windows to light quiet praise and just a few that were left - and us with our oddly quiet child. And God was simply there, comforting, smiling out at us through encouraged eyes and genuine greetings.

"You've moved a bit," I commented, and the pastor shared new, humble wisdom from sad wise eyes that were young only months ago. "We wanted to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit," he said, and my heart leaped and my eyes filled and I knew I could sing here, we could serve here. His Spirit was here.

He works in higher, hopeful ways; His timing is sure and perfect. His gifts to us may be for this time, for these people in His Body, whose home is His heart, whose wounded hearts seek to walk with Him by faith as they watch dear friends walk away.

So we tremble forward across our own fears and wounds and misgivings, and we know He is near with courage for us. This courage may be morning light filtering through coffee shop windows into the soft dark night of our healing, of their healing, and joy comes soft and real.

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all. (Eph. 4:1-6)

taking heart

I know I've said this here before, but I have to say it again. Encouragement means "to give courage." Lately, I've been wrestling with a lot of fear; I'm blogging to keep myself going, to "get back on the horse," if you will, to keep my writing flowing. It may not be particularly deep, or make a lot of sense to anybody but me, but I write because I need to right now, to look my fear in the face and say, "hello, I'm still living, see?"

But something else has been happening lately, besides my fear-fighting. I've gotten a lot of encouragement. Specific, targeted encouragement that says "don't be afraid, God is using you in my life." As a words-of-affirmation person, I can't begin to describe how deep this goes for me. I've wanted to be a gift, and all my life, I've felt as though I am "too much" or "too little." The women who have offered this to me have really given me courage in a time when I have been floundering a bit. Their words have strengthened my heart and reminded me that it is okay to press on.

I want to share the words they have given me that have brought tears and hope and courage to me:

Today, in an email exchange, Laura wrote, "what you write is such as blessing to others. I have been thinking about one of your posts for weeks and weeks--it was about where to draw the line between loving and admiring and working with the beauty the Lord has made without making it all an idol...at least that's what I took away from it. And I definitely needed to read that specific message, and I'm surely not the only one. Really, really good stuff. I don't remember the last time a blog has made me think for literally weeks. So remember that blogging about your deepest, in-self days may at the time feel strange or like too much to you, but know that your writing has an incredible, sanctifying effect on others."

Early last week, I received two comments from Amber on the same post: "Yes! Yes! Yes! I love this. I struggle with bowing to my blog, and there is only one remedy for that... Oh. I forgot to tell you that Emily just bragged and bragged on you. I loved you immediately..." And she emailed me the other day with a wonderful poem she had written about Hosea and what God had shown her about Himself.

Emily, who was bragging on me, posted a lovely directive over to my blog - this gal who is quite noticed in the blogosphere took time to notice me, and loved what I had to say here!

My new Internet friend Alison wrote a similar post after an email exchange we had a few weeks ago, an exchange that left me really worried that I'd overdone it. In a recent email she wrote, "I can't tell you how much your blog and comments on mine have meant to me...I've never befriended anyone who has been as honest as you have been in [regard to relationship with God]. God has seemed to have let us both wander in the wilderness a bit, but what a blessing to find a companion there."

My blog friend Danielle also emailed in response to a letter I had written to her about a rather hasty post of mine that led tothis post, "When I read your words--the words that I questioned--I was concerned because I wasn't sure how to take it. At first I didn't want to respond, because I hate to question anyone in some sort of "confrontation-like" way. Because I couldn't say it in person, where you could hear the inflection of my voice, where I could explain myself. Because I don't "know" you in person and we've not even known each other long via the internet. Because I didn't want to assume anything about what you were saying and take it the "wrong" way. But, God really stirred in my heart that I really needed to say something. I wanted to write in as gracious a way possibly, not knowing your heart or even what you meant to say, only how it appeared to me. Even in doing so, I was afraid you'd be offended. Thank you for not being offended and attempting to hear what I was trying to say. I know God will truly use a heart as humble as yours! It is an example to me. I hope I will be just as humble when someone questions what I have to say..."

And my friend Lynette wrote to me, "Seriously, it is just amazing how people can interpret something you write, into something you didn't write at all. I've come to the conclusion that no matter how careful I am in wording what I want to say, people basically only read what they want to read; they only see what they want to see, they only look for what they are looking for. When that is Christ and His Life, that is wonderful!!! But when they are wanting to justify something, that is a different matter.

Before I even saw your email this morning, Father gave me a parable of this so I suspect He wants me to share it with ya ;-) When I came downstairs this morning I went straight to the blinds in the front room to open them (can't stand dark rooms, gotta let the light in ;-) I looked outside at the blue sky and at a new light on the garage that our landlord installed yesterday then I went into the kitchen. As I was getting a cup of tea the thought came, "Is the snow and ice out the front melted yet?" And y'know, although I had looked out the front just a few minutes before, I didn't know the answer because I hadn't seen it; I hadn't been looking at the ground. I had only seen what I was looking for!!!!

It seemed crazy to me that I could have looked out on that whole scene and yet not remember whether the snow had gone or not, simply because I wasn't looking for it! Even though my eyes would have seen it, the brain didn't register it (scary thought ;-) and it is exactly the same with spiritual things."

There have been more; these are just some of the words that have been playing again and again through my heart lately. These women are all women of God who have reached into my world and deeply, deeply encouraged me, and I am so grateful for them, for Him in them, for how He has placed them in my life - whether through a comment, a post, an email, a conversation - I am so blessed, and I have been so encouraged. I know it sounds like I'm just tooting my own horn here, but I mean to toot theirs - you can see from these words how lovely these women are, reaching outside of themselves to touch my life!

So what about you? What has encouraged you recently? I'd love to hear, to see what else God is doing! Has someone offered you encouragement lately to press on? What did they say?

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. (Proverbs 25:11)

Parable

I found frost in my world this morning. Frost and spring. Frost and light painting the grass and etching with shadows; spring reaching into the cold, cold sky, waking dusted with bits of icy dew, greeting the sun with little explosions of color.


I ramble-posted about community last night, just some thoughts off the top of my head, a little bit of a paragraphical outline to a post that I didn't want to write. But I should know better than to ramble-post. It takes time and love and thought for me to communicate a spiritual point. Time to organize my thoughts, thought to draw my readers' attention ultimately to His face, love that allows me to be open with readers who sometimes don't see beyond the words I say to my heart.

Some of the comments I received about last night's ramble have made me think that I need to take some time to expand my thoughts a bit.

You see, I am finding that the thing that makes community life-giving is a common pursuit, a common knowledge, a common love. C.S. Lewis said that friendship is born at the moment one man says to another, "What! You, too? I thought I was the only one."

I have found this sort of community with other photographers through Flickr, Shutter Sisters, SmugMug, and I ♥ Faces. I have found this sort of community with other moms through blogs and articles and playdates and nurseries. I have found this sort of community with other writers through papers and articles and editing and sharing.

Photographers pursue beauty. They share the same failings and challenges and passion. Moms pursue being good moms and raising good kids. They share the same failings and challenges and passion. Writers seek excellence in communicating their stories. They share the same failings and challenges and passion.

From what I have seen and experienced, Christians pursue what is right. Nearly all of the comments about last night's post went directly for this point - that we need to make sure that what we pursue and believe is right; community then becomes the accountability police force we need to make sure we are safe.

But there is something more to community, and this is where I hoped last night's scattered thoughts might point: the common bond that should be found in a community of believers is a pursuit of the heart of God.

When we are pursuing His heart, HE is our safety. His Spirit has changed me so deeply that I don't even think like me anymore. I look back at the way I thought even five years ago about God, and I am shocked at the changes in my understanding. The Spirit doesn't always speak to me about what I should do, but about who He is. And when I live in the light of who He is, I can't help but pursue His heart. Because He loves me. Because when I don't define Him, He is never the assumed. Because there is always mystery in intimacy, and intimacy in suffering, and suffering in choosing Him over anyone.

Generally (and I do mean generally, there are some specific exceptions), Christians who advocate community are pursuing community itself for community's sake. The pursuit is not God's heart, but rather becomes a safe set of principles and a common understanding that we must all look like X and be together doing X and being X. The emphasis in these communities is too often on teeth-picking and sepulcher-washing.

True spiritual community among the ekklesia is found in the pursuit of His heart, and in the knowledge of Him. What if we do look past what we know of community to see what He will show us about His heart, about the oneness Jesus prayed we would have, that He has with our Father

There will always be those who deliberately and willfully choose sin who will need to be confronted about their sin. God does use the ekklesia to step in when the person is shutting down His convicting Spirit and still claiming to be seeking God.

There was a time in my life when no one believed me when I said "God told me"; I know what He said, and I know what He has done in my heart because I chose Him over the "wise" counsel of my friends and elders. There will always be those who justify themselves by saying "God told me." I don't have to believe them; it is between them and God, and my response to them must be directed by Him.

These are the frost, coating the beautiful spring that will burst forth anyway because He says it is time. These are the frost that isn't destroying the blossom that is already there. These are the frost that will melt away as the sun's light falls across it. Don't fear them. Don't hate them. Don't drive them away. He loves them so much. He wants to draw them to Himself too.

Don't be afraid to trust His Spirit's leading as you listen to His voice calling you to come to Him. He will always lead us to Himself by way of His Son. If the voice you hear does not lead to Christ, it is not worth listening to. He gives us His heart, and then He leads us to His friends. Can you imagine being surrounded by a community of people who look at you and say, "What, you know Him too? I thought I was the only one!"

And the pursuit is all His beauty.

It amazes me how the rest of it all falls away as we enter into Him. If we are focused on His heart, our interactions with others in this community will be focused by His heart. The sepulcher-washing becomes encouragement that others can see His work in us, the commonality of our pursuit of Him will help us know that we are not alone. Confrontation over sin finds its place in His heartbreak as we communicate His heart to the one who is shutting Him down. And hearing His voice becomes an adventure, a joy, an experience to be shared.

Spring dawns with light, and the fragrance spreads.

They Live Here Too

Something has been bothering me lately. It is something about the way that Christians tend to approach the world around us. Or the way we don't. We close ourselves off to anything that isn't "safe" or "godly." (I'm realizing I may step on some toes with this post, so please bear with me; I don't mean to offend.) We do spend a lot of time talking about evangelizing, about being a light to the world, about spreading the Gospel - but we either don't really know what the "good news" is, or we're totally missing the boat.

I was never really good with the "plan of salvation." The five or ten or fifty-two steps to getting saved to escape eternal hellfire obviously turned people off, and I was too real not to know that no matter how you couch it to someone who has no concept of the "Christian culture," it sounds ludicrous. I think too often, we make the unsaved our project to win over to our point of view about God, instead of waiting on the Spirit to lead us to the hearts He is already drawing to Himself.

During my first year of Bible college, I participated in street evangelism in downtown Des Moines, Iowa. I was too naive at eighteen to be conscious of any personal danger, so I wasn't afraid to approach people to talk about God. I remember one conversation in particular with a girl whose heart was hurting so much. I could see the pain in her eyes, the aching longing to know that if there was a God, He actually cared about her. I remember how deeply I felt that I needed to tell her of His love.

By the end of my time at this college, however, "evangelism" had been reduced to a program, and I wasn't even sure God existed because of the way I had been treated by my cream-of-the-crop Christian schoolmates. (I should note that I went back for a visit a few years ago, and I found that the friends I had there were the friends who knew and loved the Lord - they weren't the popular people I wanted to love me, but they had loved me. I just couldn't see it at the time.) I transferred to a new school that had an honor code about God that I had to believe Him to sign.

Here, He began to revolutionize my perspective on the Gospel. The good news of the Gospel is life. The good news is that in all of the crap and death and dying and sickness and evil that surrounds us, we actually have a chance at abundant life because Jesus took on flesh and lived and took our place as a sacrifice to appease the God who loved us too much to leave us without hope.

What bothers me is that those of us who claim to have this hope are so busy nit-picking each other to make ourselves "more like Christ" that we are unable to admit and connect with our own humanity when we interact with others. The Gospel of life becomes a program to which everyone must adhere with accountability, and the reality of the death and pain that surrounds us is written off in spiritual terms. We should be groaning with the Spirit inside us and with all of creation for the happy ending we were all meant to live every day with Him.

I've been following a blog lately from a woman who has just completed a divorce. (I will caution about this link; she gets pretty raw sometimes. If you're offended by language, please don't click.) Yesterday, she found out her father has cancer. The comments on her post were so real, so intense. There are no words for the non-Christian to say to someone confronting death. They can only offer their presence, their rage, their empathy. Their "prayers on the smoke."

My heart is very, very burdened for this woman, but not because she's a non-Christian who cusses and is "probably going to hell." She is hurting. Really, really hurting. I want so, so much to tell her that even though her life is absolute crap, there is hope that it's not always going to be this way. I want to tell her how deeply God loves her, how she isn't alone, how He lived this and felt this and bore her sorrows already. I want to tell her how He brings life and quiet peace in the midst of all the crap, how He really is real, how His Spirit comforts and changes us right here. I want to tell her how He wants to make her life, marred by the death that surrounds us all, even more beautiful, more full, more abundant. I want to tell her how He wants her to know Him.

I want to tell her that I love her and I am praying for her.

Because I do and I am.

Sometimes, I think we only pray for our fellow Christians, or for non-Christians to get saved. We don't often invest ourselves and our love in them. We don't often bear their burdens or allow them to share ours. But you see, they are just people. We are just people. And we all live here, surrounded by death and pain and separation from God that is our own fault. We who know Him need to "un-step" the Gospel and start living life abundantly, letting go of our condemnation and fear and definition and triteness. It's okay to love people here, to admit to them that we think life is horrible sometimes too. The only thing that makes us different from them is His Spirit in us.

What about you? If I haven't totally offended you with this post, leave me a comment or a story about something you've thought or experienced in your interactions with people who don't know God. Tell me how you met Him, why He is real to you. I'd love to hear!

"But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you." (Romans 8:9-11)